My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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