There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
