i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
