im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
