So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
