The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When did angry sex become our thing?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
