You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
