This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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