As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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