We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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