Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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