dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
