when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We just shotgunned beers for America
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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