This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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