It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
