Swine flu is the new snow day.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
