Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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