Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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