I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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