Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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