i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You need a sexual gate keeper
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
