If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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