So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
