Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
