I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
