Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
