All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
