Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
