One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
