Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
