i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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