Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
