You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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