I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
