We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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