He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I just found puke in my bra..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
