Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
