You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
