If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
