WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
