well I can't set my house on fire every night
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
