After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
