Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
