Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
