the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
