in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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