I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
