I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
