I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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