I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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