so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
