I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
