dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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