It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
