I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
im on a boat
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