I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
