I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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