you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
