totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
