You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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