Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
